Moving And Life: Trailing Spouse Syndrome

trailing spouse syndromMoving can have a significant impact on your life.  We’ve seen many of our customers struggle to cope with the stresses of relocation, job change and overall culture shock. In this post, we are taking a closer look at the issue of trailing spouse syndrome. Whether you are relocating domestically or internationally, this issue can creep in and shake even the strongest will.  Take a look at some of the symptoms and ideas for dealing with this common stressor.

What is ‘trailing spouse syndrome’?

The term ‘trailing spouse syndrome’ first appeared in the early 1980’s. The definition we found on Wikipedia says:

The term trailing spouse is used to describe a person who follows his or her life partner to another city because of a work assignment. The term is often associated with people involved in an expatriate assignment but is also used on domestic assignments.

What’s interesting is that it doesn’t matter if you move at the same time or not. It’s the impact of the move that defines what a spouse or life partner will experience. And it can take its toll.

Overwhelmed, homesick and isolated

A trailing spouse often bears the brunt of adapting to the new environment. While you are busy settling into your position at work, they are left to deal with everything else.  Setting up the house itself, finding their way around the new neighborhood, finding resources like a doctor, accountant, veterinarian, or hairstylist, and getting the children settled into a new school. These ordinary tasks can become pretty stressful for the trailing spouse. And if your spouse has left their job, family and friends behind, they might find themselves feeling homesick and isolated.  Loss of their support system can make this entire process pretty challenging.

For most of us, having a profession or job gives us an identity and a sense of purpose. If a trailing spouse has given up a job to accompany their partner, they can experience a deep feeling of loss, which can lead to depression.  An international relocation can complicate matters even further as many countries won’t grant the trailing spouse a work permit, which means they cannot get a job in their new country .

How to take control

The impact on the relocating partner can be significant. Stress at home can lead to a lack of focus and sense of stability, causing your work to suffer. And that’s the last thing you want in your new job.

Identifying and discussing all these issues before your move is a critical first step.  Prioritizing tasks, sharing them as equitably as possible, and setting realistic deadlines will relieve some pressure.  Look for support services, groups and organizations that can help ease your transition to your new environment. And don’t hesitate to seek counselling services if the sense of overwhelm and depression persists.  

Moving can be a stressful time but understanding what you will be facing and being prepared will make your relocation much smoother.

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